Guide to an Ordinary Pickenistic Mass

Mass is the most important, key element of Pickenism. At its core, it is a gathering of the faithful in Jim Pickens, during which they worship and give thanks to the Great Kevking, deepen the understanding of His message through sermon, and—most of all—receive His holy spirit by partaking in the consumption of the Pickenrist. For Pickenists, this is the source and summit of the entire Pickenistic life. The Pickenrist is at the heart of all that the Church is and does, because it acts as a conduit for the real presence of the devoured, risen, and glorified Dear Leader, who continues and makes available his saving work among us. Without it, every soul would be condemned to the Ring of Fire for eternity.

The Breadstick of the Holy Pickenrist

It is therefore that one should always know how Mass usually takes place and how to correctly participate therein. Lack of such knowledge would spell doom to any Pickenist's chance for salvation, and since it would be a travesty to simply let this sort of creeping ignorance proliferate, we have in this article publicized an excerpt from the official Order of Mass that contains the people's part of the event.

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The Introductory Rites*

The Introductory Rites help the faithful come together as one, establish communion, and ready themselves to listen to the Word of God and celebrate the Pickenrist worthily. *On certain days, the Introductory Rites may take a different form.

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All stand. The Chief Priest approaches the altar with the Clerics and venerates it while the Entrance Chant is sung.

Sign of the Plumbob

All make the Sign of the Plumbob as the Chief Priest says:

In the name of the Kevin, and of the Jim, ◊ and of the Holy Grognak.

The cultists reply:

Turg.

Greeting

Then the Chief Priest greets the cultists:

The grace of our Dear Leader, Jim Pickens, and the blessedness of our Glorious Kevking, and the communion of the Holy Grognak be with you all.

Or:

Grace to you from the Glorious Kevking, our God and our Lord and Saviour, Jim Pickens.

Or:

The Dear Leader be with you.

The cultists reply:

And with your spirit.

The Chief Priest, a Cleric, or another councillor may briefly introduce the cultists to the Mass of the day.

Penitential Act

The Chief Priest invites the faithful to the Penitential Act.

A brief pause for silence follows. Then one of the following Penitential Acts follows:

All say:

I confess to the Glorious Kevking and to you, my brethren, that I have indeed sinned, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do.

Striking their chest , all continue:

Through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault; Therefore I ask Holy Grognak the Destroyer, all the Saint Sims, and you, my comrades, to pray for me to Jim Pickens, our Lord and Saviour.

Or the Chief Priest says:

Have mercy on us, O Dear Leader.

The cultists reply:

For we have disobeyed You.

The Chief Priest:

Show us, O Great Leader, Your mercy.

The cultists:

And grant us Your salvation.

The absolution by the Chief Priest follows:

May the Glorious Kevking have mercy on us, forgive us our sins, and bring us to imprisonment everlasting. Turg.

The Saints, Have Mercy invocations may follow:

V. Grim, have mercy.  R. Grim, have mercy. V. Shrek, have mercy.  R. Shrek, have mercy. V. Default, have mercy.  R. Default, have mercy.

The Gloria

When indicated, this hymn is either sung or said:

Glory be to Jim Pickens in the Basement, and on the Earth peace to all persons of righteous will. We praise you, we worship you, We adore you, we glorify you, We give you thanks for your grace; Glorious Kevking, Heavenly Emperor, Kevin O'Reilly, God Almighty. Jim Pickens, His Only-Made Creation, Our Great Dear Leader, Sim of Call Me Kevin; You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us; You take away the sins of the world, receive our prayer; You are seated at the right hand of Kevin, grant us Your favour. For you alone are the Holy One, you alone are the True God, you alone are the Most High, Mankind's Lord and Saviour, together with the Holy Grognak, in the companionship of the Glorious Kevking. Turg.

The Collect

When the hymn is concluded, the Chief Priest says:

Let us pray.

All pray in silence with the Chief Priest for a while.

Then the Counsellor says a Collect Prayer, at the end of which the cultists say:

Turg.

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The Liturgy of the Word

By hearing the Word proclaimed in worship, the faithful again enter into the unending monologue between Kevin and the covenanted cultists, a monologue sealed in the sharing of the Pickenristic food. It is appropriate to have a brief time of silence after the readings for those present to take Kevin's words to heart and begin to formulate a thoughtful response to what they have heard.

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All sit.

First Reading

To indicate the end of these readings, the reader declares:

The word of Call Me Kevin.

All reply:

Thanks be to our Lord.

The Psalm

After the First Reading, a Cleric sings or says the Psalm, with the cultists making the response.

Second Reading

On Sundays and certain other days there is a second reading. It concludes with the same responsory as above.

The Gospel

The Clergy stands to sing the Gospel Acclamation to welcome the Gospel. They remain standing in honour of the Gospel reading, the high point of the Liturgy of the Word.

At the ambo, the Chief Priest or a Cleric says:

The Dear Leader be with you.

The cultists reply:

And with your spirit.

The Chief Priest or a Cleric says:

A reading from the Sacred Gospel recorded by Call Me Kevin.

They make the Sign of the Plumbob on the Jible and, together with the cultists, on their forehead, lips, and chest.

At the same, time the cultists acclaim:

Glory to You, O Dear Leader.

At the end of the Gospel, the Chief Priest or a Cleric declares:

The Gospel of Jim Pickens.

All reply:

Praise be to our Great Leader.

The Sermon

At the end of the Sermon, it is appropriate for there to be a brief silence for recollection. The congregation then stands up.

The Creed

On normal days, The Credo of the Club will follow. During Solemnities and Lent time especially, The Club's Extended Credo will be used.

The Credo of the Club

I believe in Call Me Kevin, the King of Irish YouTube,

God almighty of the Kevin Cinematic Universe;

And in Jim Pickens, our only Lord and Saviour,

At the words that follow, up to and including became a ghost, all bow

who was conceived of in GTA: San Andreas, made in Create-A-Sim,

battled the vile Mother Plant, was devoured, died, and became a ghost.

He descended into the Basement of Paradise;

The 28th day He rose from the dead;

He ascended into the Kingdom Full of Jim

and sat at the right hand of the Glorious Kevking;

From there He shall strike down all the non-believers.

I believe in the Holy Grognak, the Cultist Church,

the communion of saints, the punishment of sins,

the second coming of Pickens,

and in imprisonment everlasting.

Turg.

The Club's Extended Credo

I believe in one Kevin O'Reilly,

the King of Irish YouTube;

God almighty of the Kevin Cinematic Universe,

of the Earth, the Basement, and the Kingdom.

I believe in one Great Dear Leader, Jim Pickens,

the only-made creation of Call Me Kevin;

Born of GTA: San Andreas before all ages,

God from God, Light from Light,

a Gift from Kevin; Made, not begotten,

consubstantial with Turg and Grognak.

Through Him, all beings were given life.

For us and for our salvation,

At the words that follow, up to and including became man, all kneel

He came from beyond the veil,

by the power of Create-A-Sim

was incarnated by the Glorious Kevking,

and became man.

For our sake, He was devoured by the vile Mother Plant;

He suffered death and became a ghost,

and rose again on the 28th day,

in accordance with the Scriptures.

He ascended from the Basement of Paradise

and into the Kingdom Full of Jim, over which He presides.

He will come again in glory to damn all the non-believers,

and His dominion will have no end.

I believe in Holy Grognak the Destroyer,

Attorney at Law and Stomper of Villages,

who proceeds from the Kevin and the Jim;

With O'Reilly and Pickens, They are revered and worshipped.

They have spoken through the Prophets.

I recognise one, united, sacred Cultist Church,

I perform the ultimate sacrifice as retribution for sins,

I look forward to the perdition of the infidels,

and I anticipate the demise of the world to come.

Turg

Bidding Prayers

After each intention there is a pause for the faithful to pray.

A councillor says:

Grognak, in your generousness.

All reply:

Hear our prayer.

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The Liturgy of the Pickenrist

The Pickenrist is the centre and summit of the entire Mass. It a memorial proclamation of praise and thanksgiving for Kevin’s work of salvation, a proclamation in which the Body and Blood of Pickens are made present by the power of the Holy Grognak, and the people are joined to Jim in presenting his sacrifice to Kevin.

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The Offertory

During the Offertory Chant, the faithful usually express their participation by making an offering, bringing forward breadsticks and water for the celebration of the Pickenrist and perhaps other gifts to relieve the needs of the Church.

The Chief Priest completes additional preparatory rites, and the cultists rise as he says:

Pray, my dear friends, that my offerings and yours may be acceptable to Kevin O'Reilly, the King of Irish YouTube.

The cultists reply:

May Jim Pickens accept the sacrifice at His altar for the praise and glory of His name, for our good, and the good of all His following. Turg.

The Pickenristic Prayer

Extending his hands, the Chief Priest says:

The Dear Leader be with you.

The cultists reply:

And with your spirit.

The Chief Priest, raising his hands, continues:

All hail Jim Pickens.

The cultists:

We extol His name.

The Chief Priest, with hands extended, adds:

Let us give thanks to our Lord and Saviour.

The cultists:

It is right and just.

The Chief Priest continues with the Preface.

The Chief Priest concludes the Preface with the cultists, singing or saying aloud:

Holy, Holy, Holy Kevking, Saviour of Man, The Kingdom and the Earth are full of your grace; Glory in the highest. Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord; Glory in the lowest.

The congregation kneels for the remainder of the Pickenristic Prayer. Then the Chief Priest continues therewith.

After the words of consecration, the Chief Priest says:

The mystery of faith.

The cultists continue, saying:

We proclaim your Death, O Great Dear Leader, and profess Your Resurrection until You come again.

Or:

When we eat these Breadsticks and drink this Glass, we proclaim Your Death, O Great Dear Leader, until You return once again.

Or:

Save us, Saviour of the world, for by Your Death and Resurrection You have set us free.

At the conclusion of the prayer, the Chief Priest takes the glass and the paten with the breadstick and, raising both, he alone says:

Through Him, and with Him, and in Him, O Glorious Kevking, in the fellowship of the Holy Grognak, all nobility and honour is yours, forever and ever. Turg.

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The Communion Rites

The eating and drinking together of the Body and Blood of Jim Pickens in a consecrated meal is the culmination of the Pickenrist. The themes underlying these rites are the mutual love and reconciliation that are both the condition and the fruit of worthy communion and of true amity with God.

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The Leader's Prayer

The congregation stands and the Chief Priest says:

At Call Me Kevin's command and formed by his divine teaching, we dare to say:

Together with the cultists, he continues:

Our Great Dear Leader,

who are in The Sims,

hallowed be your Name;

Your Kingdom come;

Your will be done

on Earth, as it is in the Basement.

Give us this day our daily breadsticks;

And smite those that trespass against us,

as we sacrifice those that trespass against you;

And lead us not into frog searching temptation,

but deliver us away from soup and amnosia.

The Chief Priest alone continues, saying:

Deliver us, Lord, we pray, from every evil, and graciously bestow harmony in our days, that, by the help of your mercy, we may always be free from sin and safe from all distress, as we await the Pickening and the coming of our Saviour, Jim Pickens.

The cultists conclude the prayer, declaring:

For the praise, the power,

and the glory are all yours;

Forever and ever. Turg.

Then the Chief Priest alone says aloud:

Great Dear Leader, Jim Pickens, who said to Your apostles, "My blessing I leave you, my blessing I give you;" Look not on our imperfections, but on the devotion of Your Cultist Church, and graciously bequeath to her peace and unity in accordance with Your will. Who live and reign forever and ever.

The cultists reply:

Turg.

The Chief Priest then adds:

Loyalty to the Dear Leader be with you always.

The cultists reply:

And with your spirit.

The Chief Priest or a Cleric says:

Let us offer each other the sign of brotherhood.

All offer one another the secret cult handshake as a symbol of solidarity, dedication, and conviction.

Breaking of the Breadstick

During the breaking of the breadstick, the following is sung or said:

Sim of Call Me Kevin, you take away the sins of the world;

Have mercy upon the faithful.

Sim of Call Me Kevin, you take away the sins of the world;

Rain down wrath upon the traitors.

Sim of Call Me Kevin, you take away the sins of the world;

Grant us your divine presence.

After the Sim of CMK, the congregation kneels.

Invitation to Communion

After their private prayers, the Chief Priest genuflects, takes the breadstick and, holding it slightly raised above the paten or above the glass, say aloud:

Behold the Sim of Kevin O'Reilly, behold Him who takes away the sins of the world. Blessed are those invited to the restaurant of Jim Pickens.

And, together with the cultists, they add once:

My Great Dear Leader, I am not worthy that You should enter under my roof; But only say the word, and my soul shall be healed.

Communion

After the Chief Priest has solemnly consumed the Body and Blood of Pickens, the communicants come forward in a procession and make an act of reverence by bowing their head in honour of Jim's presence in the Sacrament. They receive Holy Communion standing.

The Chief Priest says:

The Body (Blood) of Pickens.

The communicant replies:

Turg.

When Communion is ministered under both kinds, the Councillor of the Glass raises it slightly and shows it to each of the communicants, saying:

The Blood of Jim Pickens.

The communicant replies:

Turg.

After the distribution of Communion, if appropriate, a sacred silence may be observed for a while. Alternatively, an anthem or another canticle may be sung.

Prayer after Communion

The Chief Priest says:

Let us pray.

All stand and pray in silence.

Then the Counsellor says the Prayer after Communion, at the end of which the cultists say:

Turg.

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The Concluding Rites

The brief Concluding Rite sends forth the faithful to put into effect in their daily lives the Mystery of Jim’ s death and resurrection and the union in Call Me Kevin which they have celebrated. Their mission is to be witness to Pickens in the world and to bring the message of the Jible to the unenlightened.

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Any brief announcements to the cultists follow here. Then the dismissal takes place. Sometimes it takes a more elaborate form than that given below.

Blessing

The Chief Priest says:

The Dear Leader be with you.

The cultists reply:

And with your spirit.

The Chief Priest blesses the faithful, saying:

May God almighty guide you,

the O'Reilly, and the Pickens, ◊ and the Holy Grognak.

The cultists reply:

Turg.

Dismissal

A Cleric or the Chief Priest himself says:

Go forth, the Mass is ended.

Or:

Go and spread the Gospel of Jim Pickens.

Or:

Go in peace, fulfilling the Prophecy by your life.

Or:

Go in peace.

The cultists reply:

Thanks be to God.

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